Whaat! Chics can do this while fucking, dude be aware….


Having Sex With 2 Guys
At Once Is The Hottest
Thing That Ever
Happened to Me

I worked from home yesterday, and after
cleaning out the fridge (with my mouth), I took
one of my frequent masturbation breaks. WHAT?
Lesley plays video games during conference
calls.
I usually just think about something fucked up I
once did on loop, but on this day I decided to
visit a fine purveyor of pornography for a little
visual aid to my self-love session. As is my way, I
typed in “MMF,” which for the uninitiated, stands
for Male-Male-Female. I used pretty much the
first clip that came up, which was nothing
special, but I do love a whisper of a plotline, so I
appreciated the time taken to film the busty
blonde actress answering her hotel room door
and small-talking with the pair of beefy stud
muffins who awaited.
“You guys horny or something?” she asked, when
they immediately started grabbing at her giant
augmented breasts. (I’LL SAY THEY ARE! LOL!) It
allowed me to extrapolate them all at some sales
conference where she was about to settle in to
rent a 14-dollar-movie on demand right before
these two reps showed up all high on minbottles
of vodka and harnessed earning potential. I
actually had to stop masturbating to make it to
the end of this 3-minute clip. (I’m like a dude
who is instantly, completely DONE with sex post-
orgasm, so I’m used to being all like STOP STOP
STOP STOP NOT YET.)
Anyway, all this got me thinking about why, in a
world where the two-lady threesome is held up
as the epitome of male accomplishment, are
more women not talking about doing it with two
dudes? Because that shit is straight-up awesome.
I want to tell you a story, about a simpler time,
when alcohol was for drinking and my vagina
was free and untamed by monogamy. I was
underage at a bar engaging in the time-honored
activity of “talking to a cute boy.” We were in
that fun stage between flirting and going home
together, when everybody just sort of casually
knows they’re getting laid pretty soon. But then,
a plot twist! Cute boy’s cute friend arrived and
also began flirting with me.
I was stymied. I mean, all things being physically
equal, how the hell do I know which one I want
to have sex with? Strange dudes are like those
dollar thrift store grab bags you have to take
home and open up to find out what’s inside.
Color me naive, but when we all ended up back
at one of the guy’s apartments, I still thought
there was a Sophie’s Choice to be made.
Until one of the guys started kissing me, while
the other’s hand crept up my skirt. In an instant,
my vagina felt like the sexual equivalent of a
winning pinball machine, all flashing lights and
dingdingdingsdingdings . I was the complete center
of attention. Two guys, two penises, two pairs of
groping, grabbing hands, two bodies writhing on
either side of me — I am getting squirmy just
thinking about it!
Unfortunately, the story has a tragic ending. No
more than a few minutes after we began, Dude
#1 freaked out about being in close proximity to
his buddy’s boner and the whole thing ground to
a halt, leaving me with a mean case of blue
(pink?) balls. But an obsession was born, and I
went on to make the two-guy thing happen on
multiple occasions and it was always completely
amazing.
So the fact that the term “threesome,” even and
especially in women’s media, default-means the
FFM kind, is just one more piece of evidence
that our cultural concept of sexuality is
organized around male pleasure. Seriously,
Google “How to Have a Threesome” right now.
Fully half of those links are from women’s sites
telling you how to find a girl to threesome your
husband with. (If you Google MMF threesome,
you just get porn.)
This isn’t to say I haven’t had and enjoyed FFM
threesomes; I have. But nobody’s talking about
chicks doing it with two guys, except to call it
“the devil’s threesome” or the like. And yet
everybody assumes all guys would love to have
sex with two women. The genital math is off. I
call SEXISM, and that’s not a war phone I pick up
lightly.
Actually, let’s go ahead and call homophobia too,
since it’s presumed that MMF threesomes
involve only straight dudes who high-five in
Eiffel Tower formation over the chick they’re
double-teaming, whereas the two girls in a FFM
threesome are generally expected to at least
make out and rub each other’s boobies. (To be
honest, I prefer that both of the men in my
threesome be straight, but that’s because I am
an attention vampire.)
The other great thing about a MMF threesome is
that it’s waaaay easier to put together than the
other kind. Sure, you run the risk of the boner
proximity issue I experienced on my first try,
but if you’re using the Internet to find willing
parties, they are much more plentiful and
reliable than “unicorns” — which is swinger
slang for single girls who want to come bang a
couple out of the goodness of their hearts.
So I’m curious — have you ever boned two dudes,
or do you fantasize about it? And why is it that it
seems like such a slutty and taboo thing for a
woman to want? With all the great and fun ways
for human beings to mash our genitals together;
why are we stuck in such a threesome rut?
SEX/LOVE

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