This is what men talk when they are alone…

What men really
Ever since that political loser called Trump
decided to defend himself against some smack
talk about the ladies, saying it was ‘locker room
banter,’ I have seen (and read) a few women
speculating about what it is we men talk about
when we’re alone in The Boy Zone, away from
prying female ears.
‘Men Only’ reveals all, but first, let’s be clear –
there are very few locker rooms anywhere in
And if it is, say, a rugby locker room, the boys
will be giving each other tips on the game if it is
halftime, or pulling a post-mortem of the match,
after the game. If in a spa in a five star hotel,
those rich geezers in their sixties, if not talking
business (plotting on plots or politics) are more
often than not moaning about health, but with
the glee of the optimistic hypochondria: ‘I think I
have a pinched sciata nerve!’
Everywhere else, it depends on the kind of male
gathering that it is.
If it is a bunch of relatives, like long-lost
generational cousins, they will talk family, who is
doing what – and of course about the proud
village/ estate girl, Nyawira, who is now married
with five brats. Then the lewd dude will say,
“Had I married Nyawira, she would have a ‘foota’
team – eleven boys.” To laughter!
Talking football, these days, you will find groups
of men discussing, with the earnestness of
funeral organisers, what teams to bet on during
the weekend EPL games. Liverpool or
Tottenham? Man U or Man City? These ‘lock a
bet’ mentality men have no time to talk about
women. They are obsessives.
If it is a bunch of men from the office, you can
expect talk about what’s going on in the
company (led by the know-it-all who speaks like
he has sources at the highest echelons of the
corporation), who is sleeping with whom for
‘promotions’ (from the water dispenser office
gossip) and of course ‘kula kwa macho’ wishful
talk from the gentlemen of #Team-O’Fisi (the
Office Hyenas).
The worst offenders are, of course, ‘player pals’
who have been amigos for a long time,
especially since their college days, but have not
quite outgrown the great ‘conquest’ mentality.
Let me be honest, when many men are young
and in college, one of their macho games, purely
for ego, to earn the ‘hesh’ (heshima) of their
fellow college boys, may be to seduce their
See Also:
When she gives you the silent treatment
This is why I’m hot- Najib Balala
Is it better to date someone attractive
and not very sharp or intelligent and
not very pretty?
(Although in this age of the sponsor, I’m not
sure if college ladies are taking this lying down,
that is if they even have time for bad boys). If a
chap is still on ‘conquest’ mode 15-20 years after
he graduated from college, and still meets with
player pals to compare notes, then Houston,
you’ve got a serious mental growth issue.
Now that we are approaching 2017, let us not
forget that group of men whose talk, all day, is
about politics. They may begin their
conversation on the topic of the Almighty
Agwambo, and with such authority it is as if
‘wako pamoja,’ all the time.
They will then move on to how the 2017 election
is a rigged, foregone conclusion; but how in
2022, the election will be a free for all. Six years
before the event, you will find these
compulsives fervently engaged in political banter
about the administration of a certain candidate
in 2023. And you’ll laugh a little.


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